Monday, December 29, 2014

Miss Maya: An eye opener

Maya has given Broc and I the hardest six months of our life. I can't speak for Broc but I'm pretty sure he would agree. We love Miss Maya with all our hearts. But sometimes she makes us want to pull out our hair. This morning Broc did mention that his hair was falling out...

Anyway. Last night was horrible. This kiddo would not stay asleep. Maya is the type of baby that can't go to sleep unless she swaddled and in a dark room. So we always put her to sleep in her room. She kept waking up every 15-30 minutes. Finally we got her down and finished what we were watching in television. 
We go upstairs to lay down and as soon as I close my eyes....
She screams.
I go in there. She keeps screaming and screaming and screaming! Finally after a bit I get her to sleep. As soon as I open the door she screams. (How do babies know?)
I was very frustrated at this point. I had gotten up several times, re swaddled, placed the binky in, rocked, and ran up and down the stairs a thousand times. 
I swoop Maya up and step outside her room to go make a bottle and  I just break down. I was crying because I was tired and mad. I just didn't understand why Heavenly Father was not answering my prayers for 6 months. I had been praying for sleep and patience. 
It was such a long night. Maya never slept soundly. I cradled her a lot that night.  
I remember saying my prayers last night and just asking my Heavenly Father for more patience. Asking him to help me be a better mom and find what works for Maya. 
Even though I didn't sleep well, I had the most comforting dream. 
I won't go into detail about it, but it was what I needed. (It might sound weird to people.)
Heavenly Father knows what we need. Christ is our friend. He understands. He has felt what I was feeling last night. He knows. 
I know that my Heavenly Father sent Maya here to teach me something. To teach Broc and I something. I'm betting on patience. Being awake before seven this morning, I wasn't happy. I had Broc put Maya in her walker while he showered so I could catch a few more minutes of sleep. I knew it wouldn't work, but it was worth a shot. I finally decide that I will get up. So I did. I changed diapers, had Maya finish of her bottle and she was ready to go back to sleep. I used that time to snuggle with Lexi while she watched some toons and I got about 30 more minutes. 
Maya woke up, I was slightly frustrated but decided to make the best of it. As I've been awake this morning I've been reflecting on my dream a lot. It really was so comforting and in a way an answer to some prayers.
(I just want to make it clear that Im not saying that in anyway did I have a vision or epiphany... It was just a weird dream that made things more clear to me.)
I still have a long way to go, but it's just a nice reminder that I'm not alone and Christ knows my pain. My pain may not be as bad as others, but it's still my pain and he cares. 
I'm so thankful for Broc. He steps in when I just can't take it anymore and he understands my frustration. We both agree life was way easier before kids, but definitely not as rewarding.

 We love this girl. I would never want anyone to think different. Maya is just a little more difficult than what we are used to. This girl has the sweetest smile and such an adorable laugh. I am thankful that she is ours.  Oh, and when shebis a teenager wanting to sleep in...thats not gonna happen.

1 comment:

  1. My second was my hardest baby by far. He didn't sleep through the night till he was well over a year, and I had post-partum depression that went untreated for a whole year because I didn't realize it. I'd never had two kids and thought it was supposed to be that hard! Having little ones is really hard. I expected way too much from myself. If I could go back and change one thing about my life, it would be to cut myself a little slack during those years. If you ever need a break or need to vent, I'm happy to listen. I've been there...and now I'm starting over :o)